I think they were 2 and 4 the first time we tried, but I think it'd be worth doing anytime, as long as expectations are on par with their age.

ooooh! i like that!! taking turns is a great idea .. when they're playing with one particular toy.

abigail just said, "mine!" the other day for the first time when referring to her beloved sidewalk chalk ... she's really great about sharing it, but i would imagine the need to horde will soon follow her second bday?

I like what everyone has said here so far and would add that I have worked pretty hard at getting rid of the word 'no' in my relationship to Sam. There are many things that I'm not comfortable with him doing, but I've set myself the challenge of finding the yes in the no, as a mom on one of my unschooling lists puts it. That is, he has, for example, a set of DVDs that he can easily access and do whatever he wants with. This takes the mystery out of it and he learns to handle them and now I actually let him handle any DVD he wants because he can and will do it gently (we happened to have a bunch of old DVD's and CD's we didn't care about so we put them on a lower shelf and the others on a higher shelf, only a few actually were ruined beyond playability). When he wants to climb on the furniture I facilitate that by standing by as a spotter and encouraging him to put his feet in solid places, etc. Now he's really good at it and he's climbed everything in the house and he's over it.

This is essentially the redirect that others are talking about, and sometimes there is just a bottom line no. This afternoon we were in a restaurant, something we don't usually do but we were coming home from a trip. He was playing with a bottle of tobasco sauce and began banging it against the wall. I ended up saying a firm no and takingi t out of his hand. This is the kind of thing I almost never do, but I was past a point of being able to see a better alternative and really wanted him to stop before the glass bottle shattered in his hand. He was mad, but I explained that I didn't feel like it was safe, he huffed, got over it, and went on to find something to climb!

I have also found that it is SO true that if I start focusing on what I don't want him to do we can spend all day stuck in that spot, him wanting to do it and me getting madder and madder. So I shift my focus and think of something else for us to do. Sometimes, I just start doing something else on my own, don't try to lure him away but just say, you know I don't like for you to do that, and go fold laundry, which he loves to do with me. Left to his own devices, I have discovered that my son will almost always stop doing whatever he knows is not the best thing for him to do. Of course, I don't leave him to decide over an open drawer of knives or anything. I make sure he can't get to the knives and I have started introducing him to knives that he can handle. But for instance if I realize that I have a fear of him breaking something, I ask myself whether I can live without this thing, I remind myself that there is nothing I own that is more important than my connection to my son. If I really feel OK with taking the chance on him breaking something (and feel reasonably certain he won't get hurt), I tell him I wish he'd put it away and do something else, and then I let him decide. I do have a few treasured things that I'll tussle with him over, but even then I've come to discover that making an issue of it imbues those things with a great allure. Letting him handle them, taking a chance on him to be gentle with it, almost always results in him being very careful and putting the thing away when he's done.

It's really labor intensive, but I don't think it's any more labor intensive than saying no a lot because I think that could be exhausting in its way. I know I do have fears that doing things this way will keep Sam from learning self discipline, but when I trust him and give him room to make choices, even at this young age, he actually has a fair amount of self discipline and will use it if given the information and the freedom to choose. Obviously, this is limited in scope because he is so young, but I also do a lot of work to just keep things out of his way that set us up for frustration and struggle. As he gets older, I add them back into the mix when it seems like we're both ready to handle it.

"The more transparent I am with him, the more he is likely to be so with me and the better we will understand each other."

i couldn't agree more.

I dont know about your kid, but mine is 13, and he will engage in the same behaviors over and over again (right now its rudeness, but its been other things) so i feel like the first time I am happy to explain, the second time though..

There is also a use for having the word "NO: (when spoken like that) have an instant effect on your child- so that when your child starts to (run into the street, run into someone because he isnt looking or whatever) that the word NO (or STOP) will cease all forward motion. Kids can be tunnel visioned when they get excited and it our job as adults to see the bigger picture and protect them. It is also our job to make out kids ready to interact with others

Having a boy, being certain that he know what the word "NO" means, partyicularly when spoken by a woman, is of paramount importance to me. I started young and have stuck with it and it has worked. If I say no he will stop... he can whine, bitch, moan, groan, lament the tyranny of my oppression, but because he didnt blow that stop sign on his bike he is alive to do so.

Part of that is the whole sparing use- no/stop should be an imperative, not a comma, the start of every paragraph.

i am fliting to and form the computer again
it is gardening season
i have not read all the other posts, i ll get back to it
i am on my third child.....my oldest a six year old boy...
i have been in a no habit for three years now. because, damn when brother and sister team up.....both smart enough and have been told numerous times before......it is amazing
that is what i get for naming her loki
and the three year old often talking the six yr old into things
either one claiming the other put them up to it
they think that offers them immunity
i feel like i can talk until i am blue...i feel like most of the time they are bored of my words before i am half way finished with my spew......
but i do always reiterate why it is not allowed or appropriate......but no being used often
i feel so bad about it sometimes
and my husband has taken to interrupting the boy (the six year old...) because he has a reason why he should not do anything for everything
'no i don't feel like getting my shoes, they are NOT were anyone will step on them....." he says
i say
'no, son...i said to put them away PLEASE(using the voice here) it is your responsibility to care for your things, they DO NOT belong there!......'
so yeah.....i use it...it makes me sick.......i still use it
i am now considering this piece of blood stone at the shop
it is supposed to help you maintain your anger/patience level a little more
hahaha
but we are a normal family and they know they are loved....whether we use no or not
also 'hate' is a word i am more conscious of not using now a days
which is hard because he is in kindergarten and so many people abuse the word it is just accepted now
he knows it is not allowed but will 'test' us by using it and then quickly apologizing.......
i guess my point being -don't beat yourself up about it-
look at your parenting, if you feel it needs to change then change it
if you are getting a little burned out...arrange a day for YOU
then comeback full of love and understanding....otherwise, it is a all learning process! you show him love, he'll be fine