I sense in you, great nurturing, community building qualities.. It's very inspiring to me.

I am a Dad, and in my humble opinion, one of the best things Mom's and women can do in terms of involving Dads is to get rid of any exclusivity claim women and mothers have about raising babies and kids. Such notions and attitudes that "mom's knows best" and excluding Dad's and men in general when it comes to pregnancy, post partum, breastfeeding and such topics. Such attitudes simply signal men to stay the hell away from investing curiosity, attention, love, etc. (I say this with a slight sore experience over this sort of attitude in other baby-related tribes--I won't mention names).

Being as inclusive as possible, at worse, will never hurt.

More specifically to your concern:

i would first start with intentionality. Why do you want Dad to do this or be this way? Do you simply want Dad to obey Mom? Or do you wish Dad to realize himself as authentic being and contribute their unique God-given qualities to manifest himself independently from Mom?

I ask this because Men don't like to be told what to do, worse yet, manipulated with such notions as "you should be a good dad.." etc.. it's better to inspire to realize one's innate potential than to force someone to do things out of guilt and fear. I think you know what I am getting at.

So having positive intentions is critical.

Secondly, I would suggest evaluating the needs of Mom and of Baby and of Father.
This is different than what you WANT. More importantly, distinguish STRATEGIES from NEEDS. Often we get caught up in strageties when we should be flexible about strageties, because many strategies can still meet each and everyone needs.. In my opinion, this confusion accounts for 70% of conflicts...and it does not have to be this way.

Third figure out what your request are specifically. Not general or vague but concrete. Do you want the Dad to read a book? that is very specific and easy to understand. If you say, "I want you to be more supportive" well that is more difficult..since there are millions of ways to be supportive.

"attachment theory" is a stragety to meet certain needs for the mom, baby, and Dad, it is not a NEED... so getting stuck in the stragegy would be misleading (I think). Instead focus on the need..because no one will object to getting anyone's need met (we can all reaate to needs, not so mucn on strageties to meeting those needs).

After connecting about the needs, the stragety to meeting those needs would follow with a back and forth dialog of equals.. his ideas should be listened to and respected, without judegement.. you can then suggest your ideas and I am sure a mutually agreeable stragety can be planned out to meet everyone needs.

I would keep focus on human compassionate connection with empathy towards looking at the human need..afterwhich strageties of meeting those needs can be creatively done with flexibility, joy and respect.

I hope this helps you.

What I am suggesting is basic NVC communication.

Again, I find your nurturing expressions heartwarming and i suspect that these qualities will lead you to build a more intimate life -enriching community.

best suggestion is live with him,love him,let him see how good it feels between mom and baby,and him too, this way I don;t think books on parenting theory generally help much and especially not Continuum Conce-t...JeanLiedloff is not a mother and has never changed a diaper!!!most men are not going to l isten and whyshouldthey?

I;ve know a bunch of guys (and grandparents etc) who don't "get it" but then they see how happy and content the baby is,and suddenly i seems good having baby in bed etc. also ift here are other familile s that do AP practices,he can be around them and meet some oft he dad s and not think his wife is just weird...maybe some picnics with some organic AP families?

i dunno,when i was married with a baby I had my ups and downs that way..guy II was with kinda of saw where I was headed and liked it. but...my man was a staff attorney ata public interst law office where the support staff were these friendly busybody moms, a lot more mainstream and not my type,.and they kept giving advice to him about how I was too hung up on natural childbirth,too attached to my old dog who was dying of cancer when I was pregnant so I needed to "get my priorities straight and be a real mom," wanted me to"get over being so paranoid," leave the baby with hem
with a pacifier" (which i didn't own and didnt want) so i could go out
..but the coup de grace was when my husband came home one nigh tand said we should move the baby upstairs to the study. I asked why when it seemed like bed-sharing was working fine and he said,"because the ladies in the office keep asking me about it and saying it's going to be hard to get her out of your bed ever if you don't do it soon..and he was gettin g embarrassed by thequestions.

I said that was the dumbest reason I could think of,.sleeping a nursing baby upstairs in a cold.drafty old house so i;d need to walk upstairs to her half the night...and I said rather pointedly that next time it came up,I;d ilke to ask why ANYTHING that went on in our bedroom was the business of these women.

I think he sort of got it,but part of him wanted to be a more mainstream guy and not always have to explain his wife's hippie practices to everyone.

the other side of this one is that sometimes the guys who get into how"nurturing"they are or can be are the worst...they get jealous if they think their wives are "monopolizing" the baby, think partial bottlefeding is important so the father isn't a "second class parent",(that's a Dr Berry Brazelton thing,by the way, part of why I don;t push even the most enlightened parenting books is everyone can find some book by parenting "experts"to support their particular style or theory).at their worst they can become philosophical fanatics of some kind with all kinds of rules about keeping track of time spent with each parent, how mom should take care of her nipples, dietary insistenceon something,you name it...I was involved with someone like this too and know whereof I speak!

so I guess i;m saying hope that you,or your friend,o whoever, get lucky as a mom and partner with someone who gets taken by the beauty of baby in mama's arms. as baby grows dad may well SEE how independent as well as hay the baby becomes for having his/her needs met.like I say social prep is good,seeing other families digging the in-arms lifestyle and still being normal humans. (whatever that is...)

Seems like a problem that will require some patience and flexibility. Maybe if he sees AP work, then he will believe it works, but there might also be other issues to consider. I'd be interested to hear why this dad objects to the practice. Does he think it is bad for the baby? Bad for mom? Does he feel like he is not getting his own needs met because they spend too much time carrying the baby? Also, why does mom feel they need to always carry the baby when it is sleeping? Because she heard or read that it was a good idea? Because she actually sees that the baby sleeps better when held? Or does she just enjoy the feeling of having the baby close? Those are all valid reasons, but setting down a sleeping baby is not necessarily wrong even for a devout AP parent. Maybe there is an opportunity to experiment or to strike a compromise with dad. I believe families need to find a balance between their ideal parenting style and what is realistic given all the other demands of life. As much as I like elements of AP for my own family, I think it is not a universal solution for family & parenting issues.