as a nanny, Ive potty rained a few kids in my day, some with autism and mental retardation too. The basic trick is this: get a timer, and big kid undies, lots of them. Set it for 15 minutes. Every 15 minutes, go potty, even if its just to sit. Then, if they do make, they get a star sticker on a little chart. After a few days, they will begin to tell you when the timer has gone off instead of you telling them. Thats great. When they make it a whole 15 minutes without peeing, make it 30 minutes. As they master each chunk of time consistently, add more time. If they tell you they need to go between timings, reward them with lots of hugs and kisses for telling you what they need, even if they dont make it to the potty. As long as they tell you before theyre wet as opposed to after, thats the goal.

Dont punish them for not making it to the potty. Let them be wet for a minute or two so they can learn to dislike the sensation of soppy undies. But dont punish or make negative comments. This just makes potty a scary thing. Be super happy when they go, high fives, hugs, etc. but treat accidents like theyre no biggie.

Sometimes undies with their favorite character, Thomas the train, barbie, cinderella, etc really are a great motivator. I had one child cry when Thomas got wet, and he magically almost never wet his pants again after that because he didnt want Thomas to get wet.

Buy lots of undies. Lots. And be patient. Forcing the issue, and also being inconsistent will set you 2 steps back.

With poop, try not to make a fuss over it being gross or the smell.Some kids find it funny to gross out mommy and will go on purpose to see you make the funny face associated with a stinky poop. ( I know, weird, huh?)

Another trick I used was to get a special bag or backpack that the liked and make it their potty bag. It had undies, a potty book, wipes, and a small toy to play with while waiting for poop to come out. Some kids liked it,some just liked to talk while they go.

Hope this helps.

Oh another tip for the toddler who you know HAS to poop but is holding it in: give them something to chew.Like a dried apricot or a chunk of granola bar. Most kids cant clench their anal sphincter AND chew at the same time.

I know I am late to this posting, but thought I'd drop in what we do with our little one. We started introducing the potty at 14 mos, started to get her to sit on it by letting her play with my nail polish calling them bathroom toys; we'd talk about the colors, etc. We started doing pee noises when she would sit on the potty in order for her to get the idea and typically I'd pee just because I was sitting on the potty. Then over time she'd sit on the potty and read, she would look at books alone or we'd read to her, many books. Now she is almost 22 mos and has been able to tell us in words when she has to go for the past couple of months. I have let her go diaper free at home since she was 14 mos and she's always been in cloth diapers when wearing diapers. I hear if you start earlier it can take longer, but that is okay, we are on the slow and steady route. I am just about to try her in training pants (under the nile ones which are more like underwear rather than those thick training pants which are more like diapers). Maybe let your daughter go diaper free at home and since she's a little older she should be able to use words and let you know when she has to go. She will make accidents, but that is part of the learning. Now I can leave my daughter alone in another room without worrying about accidents and she'll actually find me and tell me she has to go and then off we go to the little potty. It has definitely taken us some time to get to this point, but rarely do I have to clean a poopy diaper, yuck. Also, watch your daughter and see what expressions or signals she does when she pees or poops. My daughter will run or walk in circles when she is pooping which is when I grab her and place her on the potty. I started it this way when I would see a poop escaping and then after several times of this I would notice things that meant that she was pooping so I would ask poop? and she would say poop so whether she really wanted to or not I'd place her on the pot. She'd rather walk aroudn the living room and drop it somewhere, ew. She would not kick or scream, just run from me. ha! Hopes this helps. Just another perspective, but I've never had a 3 year old so not sure what there really like and by now she has gotten so use to going in the diaper. There are obviously many methods to use. Try different ones and see which work for you.

I went with, "when their ready, they will do it" theme. And it worked. My guy just figured it out himself with a week and a half. No stress for either of us, no pressure, no gimmicks- I didn't even have to think about it.. Easy, easy easy. Granted I had to change diapers until he was 3 1/2, but i really didn't mind so much. So if your not into changing diapers that long, this won't work for you.