Attachment Parenting's topics - tribe.net

rail guards for co-sleeping

Lyla — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:26:14 GMT

what have you used? recomendations? my little one is 10 weeks this sunday and i don't want him falling out of the bed as he becomes more active..

i was looking at this one

http://www.amazon.com/Regalo-Hide%252dAway-Extra%252dLong-Bed-Rail/dp/B000H1IYXW/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_k2a_3_txt?pf_rd_p=304485601&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-2&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B0000E0JDV&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0VFTNVVF4BF83JGSVZQD

thanks!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 11 replies

Co-Sleeping/Crib Sidecar Hack!

SiMoNe — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:11:22 GMT

I wanted to share this - It's a total how to on making your crib a co-sleeper/sidecar. We've done something similar, but were going to add a few of modifications from this site.

http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/index.htm

posted in Attachment Parenting - 6 replies

birth petition

Grandma — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:04:36 GMT

The AMA is trying to force everyone to have hospital births with new legislation. Just to make sure that no moronic congresscritters give them any serious consideration:

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/birthathome/

posted in Attachment Parenting - 3 replies

The Daily Groove

Fairy — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 05:21:24 GMT

Here's a link to a parenting site I really love. If you sign up for the free emails, you get 'The Daily Groove' every weekday in your mailbox. It's short and easy to read and always gives you something to think about. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I generally love the way he thinks about parenting: http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/titles

Here's an example of an older Daily Groove:

The Power of an Open Heart
by Scott Noelle, posted on 2006-07-20
Think of something that always opens your heart. It can be anything: an uplifting story or movie, an inspiring song or poem, a glorious sunset, a majestic forest, a beloved friend's embrace, a purring kitten... You get the idea.

Now contemplate it vividly until you actually feel your heart opening. Pay close attention to that expansive feeling in your chest, and try to "memorize" it. (For some, the feeling may be quite subtle at first.)

Repeat this process until you can easily recall the feeling of your heart being wide open.

Next, set the intention that — for one full day — you'll deliberately reach for that open-heart feeling before you do or say anything to your child... every time.

This is not about being "nice." When you want to say "no," say it with your heart wide open and it'll feel like a yes!

Let go of all pre-conceived ideas of what an open heart is. Remember it's the feeling you're reaching for.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Co sleeping survey

aargh — Sat, 31 May 2008 15:13:15 GMT

(cut n' pasted)
---------------------------
Hello breastfeeding supporters and educators,
>
> As you well know, the best food for a new child is breast milk.
> You also know that not everyone believes that fact. The formula
> companies have successfully "separated" today's woman from her
> breast, at least mentally. The leaders of the Le Leche League are
> trying to undue this unfortunate shift of culture, and we thank you
> for it.
>
> As you may also know, many of these same "Big Corp" interests are
> attacking the Family Bed saying it can't be done safely. They, for
> all intensive purposes, have a firm grasp on America's idea about
> the ONLY safe place that a child should sleep, a safety approved
> crib. Co-sleeping or bed-sharing can be an integral part of most
> breastfeeding situations. It makes it easier, which helps extend
> the duration. However, there is a very real movement to officially
> label co-sleeping as NEGLECT. This would be a major step back for
> breastfeeding.
> There are important bed-sharing guidelines that need to be
> followed, and not omitted. Public health departments and the
> general public are being bombarded with news stories calling for the
> end of co-sleeping. They say it's dangerous and can't be done
> safely. You as a professional know different.
>
> Help get the message out to save this beneficial parenting
> choice. Please ask your successful co-sleeping families to help
> prove something that Mr. Big Corp would like to hide...that people
> can and are co-sleeping/bed-sharing safely.
>
>
> www.co-sleepingsurvey.com is a 30 second survey that allows parents
> who have or are currently co-sleeping/bed-sharing to count
> themselves as safe parents. The website has been live for under a
> week and over 1000 people have signed up. Most of them are
> breastfeeding women. This number is desperately needed to prove
> that co-sleeping and bed-sharing can be done safely and the only
> thing that needs to be abolished is the discrimination against this
> valuable practice.
> Thanks,
>
>
>
> Co-SleepingSurvey.com Main St. Strong, ME 04983

posted in Attachment Parenting - 8 replies

Raising Our Children

Fairy — Wed, 07 May 2008 21:24:35 GMT

Just to provoke more of the kinds of discussions that have been going on here lately, which I really enjoy, here is a quote from a parent whose opinion I really respect:

"Its about living with our children Right Now. Our children are not unfinished products, future activists or stooges to The Man, our kids are Who They Are right now...If you are thinking in terms of Raising your chilren you aren't looking at the human beings living in your home, you are looking at future adults - and those are pure imagination on your part."

This woman is an amazing advocate for radical unschooling, and while this isn't a radical unschooling forum, I think that her ideas are worth discussing if we want to talk about things like why we say no and how much of the now we are investing in conditioning our children for a future we can't see. I do this myself a lot but am striving toward a life with my son that is more about who he is now rather than about conditioning him to be someone I want him to be in the future.

Anyway, it got me to thinking and perhaps it will do the same for someone else.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 21 replies

Crib transition

aargh — Sun, 25 May 2008 22:26:36 GMT

Our son will be two in a few days and has been sleeping in bed with us since birth. We've been talking about moving him into his crib for a while now (as in hubby was ready to at two weeks, and i've been a bit more reluctant). Either way, we're in agreement now. He's had the crib to sleep in as a sidecar against our bed (like a co-sleeper) for over a year now, and usually nurses to sleep then rolls into it for most of the night...perpendicular. He loves his feet in my armpit!

We just set up the 4th side today and it's still snug up against our bed. Well, i nursed him to sleep, then couldn't figure any way to move him from our bed to his! We eventually tried to move him, and sure enough he woke up. Now it's almost 2 hrs later, he's still awake while daddy tries to get him down and i'm seeing a lot of problems with this transition.

I guess part of it is that he *always* nurses to sleep with me, so we'll have to MOVE him once he's fallen asleep. When daddy puts him down he gets a bottle. We've been talking to him about this for a while and he understands but that understanding doesn't translate to action at sleepytime.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 6 replies

A mom's poignant story.

Leslee — Mon, 19 May 2008 23:21:52 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQW23XCmOCw

This is especially outrageous, when you consider that, the latest studies show that SSRI drugs work for only a very small percent of people.

http://theeffexoractivist.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2296

This mom is not the only one, by far.

www.ssristories.com/index.php

posted in Attachment Parenting - 1 reply

saying "no"

IdraIyah — Sat, 03 May 2008 18:25:41 GMT

it's pretty generic & non-specific. over the last several months, i have sunk into the depths of a "no" habit. whether he's about to climb on something dangerous, put something in his mouth, or throw something on the floor, "no" has been my go-to response. but no longer!

i've been challenging myself to be more expressive & specific in my rerouting of his behavior. when he's climbing on something, i am trying to remember to say "i don't want you climbing on there, please get down now". when he's getting into the DVDs for the umpteenth time, i tell him "please leave the dvds alone, they are not toys & i don't want you playing with them". i admit, i've even yelled "no!" in exasperation when he's peeing on the floor after sitting on the potty for 5 minutes with no results.

am i alone in my "no" addiction?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 31 replies

From One Mother To Another

Naomi — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:10:22 GMT

Hello,

I recently started a non profit with my sister. We just launched our web site is www.from1mother2another.com. I would love any feedback!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 6 replies

anybody skip the prenatal vitamins?

H.P. Meow Meow Meow — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:04:48 GMT

doing research to see if i can be okay with a superb diet. saw an article stating that according to the National Academy of Sciences if you do not have any of a few risk factors (eg smoking) you don't need them. also read that the best source of folic acid is raw fruits and veggies, which i plan to eat plenty of. calcium is generally easy in dark leafy greens and some good salts (my himalayin pink has a ton.) i don't see why taking the time to eat really well shouldn't be enough and am a bit wary of vitamins a supplements. wondering what others have thought and done. obviously we don't want to take unnec risks, but my sense for my body is the best way to go is lots of high vibe organic fruits and veggies across the color spectrum, nuts, coconuts, avos, generally a good raw diet. sorry to sound like such a hippy.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 20 replies

Because you're a "Big Kid"

mamallama — Thu, 01 May 2008 14:59:40 GMT

This came up in another post, I have strong feelings about using this reasoning with my child to get her to do things. I plan on not but I am not sure why I feel this way. I am wondering how other parents feel about this issue.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 14 replies

praise

H.P. Meow Meow Meow — Fri, 02 May 2008 14:06:51 GMT

i read something somewhere a while back -- i wish i'd saved the article. the gist of it was that praise (nevermind the big kid variety we've been focused on) was often coercive in parenting. while it might make the kid feel good for a second -- indeed, while the kid might become quite dependent on it, it actually took the joy out of certain activities. if before the child just loved to draw, perhaps now she draws hoping to be praised. if before she took joy in her own accomplishments, growing up, learning new skills, now it becomes about some parental pellet of praise. the advice in that piece, as i recall, was to talk to the child about what they were doing -- "wow, interesting, you used a lot of purple today...." and to show your genuine pleasure through involvement while avoiding setting yourself up as the arbiter of "good" and "bad," the dispenser of praise, bequeather or withholder of self esteem, satisfaction, joy in little things and big. by doing so, the article said, you might be able to help your child stay better connected with him or herself, his or her own bliss and perhaps even help him or her avoid a life of chasing after external sources of what naturally lives within us all -- until it's undermined. and sometimes the best way to undermine that solid, clear voice within turns out not be criticism, but rather, perhaps, praise.

of course in this broader societal context, it seems quite natural to be telling our children when they do "good," when they do "bad." but often, the article reminded, what we consider good or bad is what makes our lives easier -- not theirs. (this is a point i am sure is most obvious to most of us here.) at a more subtle level, though, i am thinking of the way babies do naturally look to mom and dad when they roll over, take a step, take a chance. i guess the question is what best to do with that trusting look, the look that puts all the faith in the world in us. how best to serve them in those moments. and how to not do them a disservice in the moments when they are perfectly content looking within.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

because i said so

H.P. Meow Meow Meow — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:39:19 GMT

so in another thread that spun off another thread somebody brought up the ickiness of saying "because i said so."

i don't have such a strong, gut-level response to this.

i know explaining is good. and i think it would be wrong to "because i said so" in a situation where you are being unfair -- in a situation where there is gray area.

but then again, if i'm making dinner, holding one baby, trying to field an important phone call about papa's health and kid #1 climbs up on a step stool and starts playing with a burner, i think it might be reasonable to explain that fire is dangerous a few times but if it becomes the "why? why? why?" conversation, i think it might well be fair to say "because i said so," at least until i can make sure i resolve the medical matter of papa's health and have not burnt dinner and have not dropped the baby. (this is a hypothetical, based on some of the details of my life, on observing my cousin, a very skillful mama with three kids, etc.)

aren't there times where for the safety of the child or for the greater good of all it might be fair to say "because i said so" as synonymous with "i care about you a great deal. you are smart. you have your own agenda. i understand that. but sometimes, for now, you will have to rely on my judgement as coming from love and care for you and papa and all of us - and you're just going to have to trust me on this one. if you don't fall off that stool and crack your head open, you're going to set yourself on fire and then we will all be very sad. so my word on this has to be final and while we may choose to talk about this further later, we can not continue delving into this matter at present, sweetheart"?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

family bed problem solved....amazing!

evi — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:45:38 GMT

hi all....

we've been co-sleeping with our daughter for 3 1/2 yrs now, and dreading the time when we'd have to make her cry all night to sleep in her own bed. we love having her near us, but my husband and i would both like to get through a night without being kicked black and blue by the little girl between us. between her and the cat, there's hardly any space for me in the bed anymore!

anyway, we've been just dreading the whole process. i came up with an idea i thought would work. delia wants to go to build a bear workshop (babw), but i've always told her it's for big kids. so i decided to make that a goal for us....she will sleep in her own bed for a number of nights, and get a sticker on a chart for each night she does. then, when she's filled up the chart, she gets to go to babw. she picked the number of nights - eleven, her favorite number - and we talked about the plan for the whole month of april. not implementing it, but just talking about it.

then, eight days ago, she got a new toy....a boohbah. it's quite large, and has some hard plastic parts. she wanted to sleep in mommy's bed with this huge thing. i told her that the boohbah can't sleep in mommy's bed, only in deelee's bed. that was it, she went straight to her own bed and slept through the night. and she's done so every night for seven nights straight!!! no crying, no fussing, no nuthin'!!!

i don't know if this would work for every kid, or even any other kid, but i'm so thrilled that it worked for us!! she only has 4 nights left before we get to go to babw!! she's super excited, and so am i!

evi

posted in Attachment Parenting - 11 replies

helping dad get the attachment theory

xylemlarladey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:47:13 GMT

hey there,
i'm writing actually with a friend's experience,
i work with a lot of parents and it seems common...

she's totally dedicated to attachment parenting, holding the baby, even while she's sleeping etc
and he just doesn't really get it. he doesn't necessarily object to holding the baby to give mom a break,
but he's not totally into it and isn't really sure why mama won't put baby down while she's asleep at least
to do her mama things... and he won't read the books ie continuum concept so...
any ideas? thanks!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

to Crib or Not to Crib?

jade moon — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 21:46:04 GMT

Dear Parents,

My cosleeping three month old received a brand new wooden crib and organic mattress with bumper pads, sheets, etc from Grandma.

He takes some daytime naps in his bassinett which whe will soon be too big for, so we want to get a bed set up for him for day time naps and eventual night time/partial night time sleeping.

I am starting to deliberate using a crib at all. We could just put the lovely mattress on the floor.

What are your thoughts, experiences, advice about using a crib? Bumper pads?
We love co sleeping for now, but may opt to try him sleeping in his own bed gradually. I think it is important for him to have his own bed.

Any thoughts greatly appreciated.
Jade Moon

posted in Attachment Parenting - 39 replies

Thanks for this Tribe!

Ziah — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:17:41 GMT

I just wanted to say that it is so nice to pop in here every once in a while a read the thoughts of other people who love to snuggle with their wee ones. My daughter is a bit over three now and we have a toddler bed in our room (with a "princess canopy" over it...the bottom of a wedding dress lopped off and hung from the ceiling) but during the winter she still mostly sleeps in our bed. There is nothing better than waking up and snuggling together and talking about what our day has in store... "Momma, what's today?" "Tuesday" "No I mean what are we doing today?" "We get to go to Building Blocks at the library." "BUILDING BLOCKS??? YAY YAY YAY, oh momma I love Building Blocks." etc.... (Building Blocks is the toddler program at our library)

posted in Attachment Parenting - 1 reply

Anybody in the east Glendale/Eagle Rock area of Los Angeles?

Audrey — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 08:08:24 GMT

I just moved to the area and looking to connect to other AP moms. I always feel like the odd one who is still breastfeeding and co-sleeping with my 21 month old. I don't care though, I'm proud to say so and I have a wonderful child to show for it :)

Audrey

posted in Attachment Parenting - 3 replies

Code Adam (X-Post)

Melissa — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:39:03 GMT

Forwarded from a Sam's Club employee . . .

Wanted to share something that happened today while shopping at
Sam's Club. A mother was leaning over looking for meat and turned around
to find her 4 yr. old daughter was missing. I was standing there right
beside her, and she was calling her daughter with no luck.

I asked a man who worked at Sam's to announce it over the loud
speaker for Katie. He did, and let me say he immediately walked right past
me when I asked and went to a pole where there was a phone. He made an
announcement for all the doors and gates to be locked, a code something.

So they locked all the doors at once. This took all of 3
minutes
after I asked the guy to do this. They found the little girl 5 minutes
later in a bathroom stall. Her head was half shaved, and she was dressed
in her underwear with a bag of clothes, a razor, and wig sitting on the
floor beside her to make her look
different.

Whoever this person was, took the little girl, brought her into
the bathroom, shaved half her head, and undressed her in a matter of less
than 10 minutes. This makes me shake to no end. Please keep a close eye
on your kids when in big places where it's easy for you to get separated.

It only took a few minutes to do all of that-another 5
minutes and
she would have been out the door. I am still in shock that some sick
person could do this, let alone in a matter of minutes. The days are over
when our little ones could run rampant all over the place and nothing
would happen to them.

The little girl is fine. Thank God for fast workers who didn't
take any chances.

BE SURE TO FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE, SO THEY KNOW JUST HOW
SICK PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE!!! (This happened at the Sam's
Wholesale Club in Omaha, Nebraska.)

This message has been added to the story above:

I received this e-mail from one of my friends today. Let me
first
tell you that I work at the Sam's club in Lincoln, NE. The code that was
spoken of is called a 'Code Adam'. It is named after John Walsh's (host
of Americas Most Wanted) son Adam who was kidnapped and murdered many
years ago. It is used in all Sam's Clubs, Wal-marts, and Wal-mart super
centers to locate lost children.

This is how it works. If by some means you have been separated
with your child tell the nearest employee! The employee will page a 'Code
Adam' (missing child in the store) over the intercom system followed by a
description of the child (height, weight, hair color, age, name etc).

When that page goes out all the exits are immediately guarded,
and/or locked in some cases, also every employee will stop whatever they
are doing no matter what it is and help look for the missing child. This
will continue until the child is found.

If the child is not found within a reasonable time then the
police
are notified and the store will conduct an isle by isle search. So if ever
you are separated from your child now you know what to do.

Missing children pictures hang by the exits of all Wal-mart and
Sam's Club stores, please take a few minutes to look these over as you
leave, you just might have seen one of the children on them and you might
be the one to give their parents hope and give the police a new lead in
finding them.

Thank you.

Sincerely, Rudy Magee Sam's Club #6413

Even if you do not have little kids, pass this one on to
everyone
you can think of. You never know who you might save by sending this email!

Please take the time and forward this to any friend who has
children & grandchildren!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 6 replies

Is TV bad for babies?

lollicupgirl — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 06:25:28 GMT

I recently discovered hearing that TV is bad for babies? I feel like a bad mommy for not knowing about this one. Me and my fiancee are quite bad about this. We turn on the TV and she sits with us, sometimes sleeping. When I have to get things done around the house, I have Tom watch Annaliese, usually he does this on the couch in front of the TV watching sports! We are so aware and conscious about what we allow here, but I missed this one! TV is bad for babies?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 25 replies

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

mamatoto — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 18:40:27 GMT

"Renewing my driver's license, I ws self-consious about listing "mother" as my main occupation.
'Do you have a job?' the clerk inquired.
'I'm a... research associate in the field of child development and human relations'
'Might i ask just what you do in your field?'
'I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the lab and in the field. I am working for my masters and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities and i often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than the most run of the mill careers, and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money'

As i drove into our driveway, impressed by my glamorous new career, i was greeted by my lab assistants- ages 13,7, and 3. Upstairs i could hear our new experimental model (six months) in the child develpment program, testing out a new vocal pattern. i felt triumphant. I had scored a point on bureaucracy and was now in the official records a someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother..."

posted in Attachment Parenting - 5 replies

trouble getting the wee one to sleep?

IdraIyah — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 08:02:23 GMT

i've been using this method for almost 2 weeks now & my kid is OUT in less than 20 minutes, on average. i bought a lavender-filled eye pillow for about $5, intending to use it for my yoga practice. one night, after a crazy evening of chasing my boy around & trying to lure him to bed, i broke out the eye pillow (he already enjoyed sniffing it) & layed down in nursing position. as an experiment, i placed the eye pillow lengthwise under my breast so that his face & my breast were cushioned by it. this put it in direct sniffing range for him & he immediately began to calm down. i thought the first night was a fluke, "he was probably just overtired", but i tried it again. and again... and again! every. single. time. he was out like a light before midnight! finally! hallelujah - i have my evenings back!

oh the joys of aromatherapy.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 17 replies

Support a Family Healing Arts Center!

kara — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:49:50 GMT

Hello, please vote for my hoopdancing video "Gemini Hoops" and help me to win $10,000 to fund the creation of a healing arts center!

PLEASE VOTE FOR "GEMINI HOOPS" on CLIPSTAR!

http://www.clipstar.com/videopage.jsf?video=9_7002_159

My intention is to win this contest in order to have the funds to create a Family Healing Arts Center in Eugene, OR with craniosacral therapy, chiropractic, midwifery, and classes for fertility, pregnancy, babies, children, and families. I already have the space and practitioners available. I just need the money to remodel the space, buy furniture, signs, insurance, and the start-up costs. Your vote can help make this family healing space into a beautiful community center!

Thank you! Every vote counts! Feel free to pass this along!

Blessings, Kara

P.S. Voting continues until April 30th. You will need to register to vote, however when you register you can choose not to receive any other emails from this company or others, so your privacy is insured. THANK YOU!!!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 1 reply

Homeschooling setback in CA

songflowermari — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:12:14 GMT

This is horrible! Although I am a big advocate of the public school system, I believe that every parent has the right to be able to teach their own children at home. Please read:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/03/07/MNJDVF0F1.DTL

posted in Attachment Parenting - 9 replies

Night-time sleep issues.. help!

MoonMamaAly — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 03:55:42 GMT

AAAHHH. I'm really going crazy. Does anyone else have this issue...?????

I have no trouble getting Phoenix to sleep but he wakes nearly every 45 min to an hour until I go to bed and then VERY frequently all night long. He'll only get back to sleep by nursing. I'm really dreading evenings/night lately. He'll be 7 months next week and has been doing this for quite a while now. Seems he used to sleep well with only 1-2 wakings.. now I barely get sleep. I feel terrible because I feel so angry and frustrated.

What do I do??

posted in Attachment Parenting - 17 replies

doula in nyc?

H.P. Meow Meow Meow — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 23:30:56 GMT

anybody know a good one?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 1 reply

The Childs Realm at Discovery Toys

sacredgoddess — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 03:19:51 GMT

www.discoverytoyslink.com/thechildsrealm

let me know if I can help you with any of your toy needs..

posted in Attachment Parenting - 1 reply

Unschooling

Fairy — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:03:02 GMT

Because I see unschooling as a natural progression from AP, thought I would post a link to a truly wonderful unschooling website hosted by Dayna Martin, mom of four who just home birthed her last baby about a month ago. She's amazing and has lots of YouTube videos talking about unschooling: http://www.unschoolingamerica.com/videos.asp

I also posted this link on the unschooling tribe, but just in case anyone here is interested. Dayna does free mentoring, too. I belong to the Radical Unschooling discussion list she hosts and find it truly inspirational. She even talked about unschooling on Dr. Phil!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 3 replies

really need something here

amanda — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:58:07 GMT

so in 16 days there is a symposium i want to go to. it is five hours away, but around my home town so i get to see folks to. it is cheap and exactly the type of info i need right now.
sooo, i don't like leaving my kids. they ( the oldest two ) have only had an overnighter once, the baby has barely been away, maybe three times for a few hours.
so if i leave them with my husband, who really wants to stay, i will (gasp) be five hours away and will have the baby, whom i would worry terribly to leave with my dad while i was gone all day...she hasn't been away from me for that long, and pops isn't baby versed really......
if i bring my kids to visit the fam (met three times before) they will have to stay while i go to the lectures and might feel scared in a new place with barely known fam, ya know?
any one have any tips if i have to bring the baby to the lectures? she has to move...she is trying to walk and is so active
i am now considering not going, but that would suck and it would feel like a missed opportunity
any other advice? my head is spinning
i can tell my husband i really need him, but the thought of him with my family alone with our ravenous swarm....well, i would feel for him.
i don't know what to do.....
are these my only choices? he suffers--not really, really--or i miss out, and suffer
anyone please

posted in Attachment Parenting - 7 replies

an interesting site

Lisa — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 09:09:38 GMT

I hope i am not breaking any spam rules or the like with this posting!

Hi all,

I have come across a great website on my travels and thought i would share it with you.

Qassia is an intelligence sharing website that rewards you for the intelligence ( intel ) you share by directing traffic flow to your website/websites.

They ( the Qassia team) are in the very early stages of building their data banks and NOW is the time to get yourself in there and start sharing all that knowledge that you and you alone have expertise in.

They are searching for all sorts of intel and unlike Wikipaedia and other intelligence sharing websites, YOU are the only one allowed to edit your information.

ALL intel you add to the site earns you points AND provides a direct access link back to the website of your choice.

It is being envisioned that this sight will eventually outgrow the other major intel sites.

As I mentioned, this site is in its early stages and basically, all you can do at this stage is sign up, start entering your intel, start screening other peoples intel for points and start wracking up your points.

The point is that ALL of us are very good at SOMETHING or know a lot about SOMETHING and that is what Qassia is looking for.

It is well worth looking at as a means to generate business and to get your knowledge out there.

I have included a link to my profile page and if you wish, you can sign up from there.

I think it is worth looking into- even in these early stages, it has generated a large amount of traffic through my weblog and the publishing process is simple.

blessed be, Lisa x
http://lisab.qassia.com

posted in Attachment Parenting - 2 replies

Dangerous Behaviors

sarasyn — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 01:53:05 GMT

My four-year-old has finally crossed the line with me. Corde had been pushing my buttons through this whole deployment, but usually she pushes a bit, annoys me, sees that Mommy is a lot less fun of a person when she's annoyed, so she stops. Today was different. Today she did something that's beyond breaking what few rules I have in my house. Normally if I need to take a nap, I put the baby somewhere safe to play, like his playpen or his exersaucer if he doesn't want to sleep. Corde, being the big girl in the house, gets to play quietly or watch television. I don't worry about her too much because she respects what few rules I have when I'm napping. Just be nice enough not to wake me up unless it's important, and stay inside the house. She knows she's not allowed outside unless I'm sitting in the living room where I can hear her in the back yard. It works out really well for us, or did.

Today I woke from my nap to hear someone knocking on my door. They were playing in the playground behind the houses here and Corde came out. When they asked where her mom was, she told them she was taking a nap. They eventually had to go home because it was getting dark and wanted to make sure I knew where she was. I never knew the girl left the house! She knows she's not allowed to leave the house when I'm asleep. As much as it's a safe neighborhood, kidnappings do happen. She could get hurt doing something stupid and I may never know. It's just not safe for her to be outside alone. She's not old enough for that and I could get in a lot of trouble on post as well. I don't think they let you have your kids outside unattended until they're eight, which she is definitely not. We had a talk about this over the summer when she went outside before I'd gotten out of bed. We haven't had any problems since, and I remind her when I do take naps that she isn't allowed to go outside until I wake up.

Well, Corde and I had a little chat about why she went to the playground and why I was so upset. She told me I'm not allowed to be upset because she didn't get hurt. She told me no one would ever hurt her and no one would take her away. She said I wasn't allowed to be mad at her. I wasn't allowed to be scared because there were no monsters out there. She wasn't scared, so I wasn't allowed to be scared. I tried to explain it to her in terms she could understand, like when she gets scared and upset when I leave her in the car to run in and grab something from the house and I take too long, but she said that it's different. She's scared then. I'm not allowed to be scared. She shouldn't be in trouble because she didn't do anything bad. Nothing bad happened. That's teenager logic...

I think that's what upsets me more than anything else, that she doesn't think that the rule is valid. She's suddenly decided the talks everyone's had with her on "stranger danger" doesn't mean anything because she's never been kidnapped or hurt. I don't want her to have to learn by being kidnapped or hurt. I don't know if I could ever live with myself. In this day and age, I don't even know that she'd come out of it alive if it happened. I just don't know how I can get through to her how important this is!

And what gets me even more than that is there's nothing I can do about it! I've tried everything with her. I've even gotten so frustrated and fed up because she wouldn't listen that I tried spanking for a little while, which really didn't work because she thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Obviously I couldn't have been spanking her hard enough to make a difference if she was just laughing about it, but my goal wasn't to hurt her. When that didn't work, I tried going with the whole learning by natural consequences. She's learned well by seeing how her friends don't want to play with her anymore when she's mean. When her actions have consequences, she follows the rules so much better. It's been great. She's learned to stop pushing my buttons because an annoyed Mommy is not a fun Mommy. She's learned that when she respects the rules that are given to her, she gets more privileges, but when she can't respect the rules, they get taken away, and it's always directly related to the action. She stays up all night watching television loudly and keeps everyone up, the television goes off and she has to go to her room. If she's quiet and respectful, I don't mind that she falls asleep in front of the television if she's having a hard time sleeping one night. If she can listen to the instructions and can follow the rules of safety, she can help me cook, otherwise she can't. I don't know how to deal with this. I can't exactly lock her in her room so she can't get out if she wakes up earlier than I do. I can go without taking naps, as miserable as that may make me, but it's not her fault I can't sleep at night. That's my problem. I'm really tempted to lock and chain the back gate on the yard so she can't just run off to the playground when she's outside. If I could lock the back door so she couldn't get out, I'd do that too. She obviously can't be trusted with a back door that she can let herself out and she can't be trusted in the back yard because this isn't the first time she's run off to the park, though when I can hear her do it, it often gets cut off that much sooner. I just don't know what to do. I feel bad chaining the back yard shut. I feel bad about looking for a way to prevent her from opening the back door and letting herself out, but at four years old, she's not old enough to go to the playground alone. It may be close enough that I can watch her from the door to my driveway, but I can't see or hear her from the house, especially if I'm asleep. It's just not safe. And what happens when she decides the playground is not enough fun and decides to wander around the neighborhood with the other kids that are allowed to play there unattended? Some of those kids are right around her age. I don't feel comfortable with my four year old wandering off on her own, especially when she doesn't tell anyone, or worse, lies about it and tries to tell me I did tell her she could go!

I just don't know what to do. It could be up to three weeks until my husband gets home and until then, I've got to do it alone. Corde's sudden decision to act up is really getting me burnt out and this is really the thing that broke it for me. It's one thing for her to throw a fit every time we leave the house because I won't take her to the places she wants to go (usually because the people she wants to see aren't home or aren't in the mood for company, otherwise I'd be happy to). If I leave her in the car for anything more than thirty seconds, even if she knows where I'm going and what I'm doing, I come out to her screaming and wailing that I left her and she hates me now. I've dealt with her taking everything away from the baby to the point where he's crying and inconsolable because he's got nothing left to play with since Corde won't let him play with her toys and keeps taking his because she wants to play with them. I don't know what's gotten into her. It's not like I don't have much time for her. Now that the baby's decided he can go play on his own without hanging on me, I've had a lot more time for Corde. She's been visiting with friends as much as usual. I hadn't been getting any more stressed out until she'd started acting out like this. It's come completely out of the blue. It's like one day she just woke up and decided that she's going to do everything in her power to make everyone else miserable and has been that way ever since. I just don't know what to do. The rest of it I can handle. Yeah, she's annoying me and upsetting the baby, but at least she's not hurting herself or anyone else, but this last stunt was just dangerous, especially since they're looking for a kidnapper in the area. It's not even like I let her go to the playground on her own and the rule was taken away because of the kidnapper. She was never allowed to go. This was always a rule. I don't know...I'm just not sure where to go from here. I'm just at wit's end.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 11 replies

Baby Healing Project Needs Your Votes for Funding!

kara — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 08:46:15 GMT

Your Vote is Needed to Fund a Free Aquatic Baby Bodywork Clinic!

I am a Finalist in the www.IdeaBlob.com Contest to win $10,000 to fund a small business or project. Your support will allow me to create a free monthly clinic for pregnant women, babies, and children to receive Aquatic CranioSacral Therapy in the therapeutic, warm, salt-water pool at the Tamarack Center in Eugene, OR.

Please vote for the WaterBaby CranioSacral Therapy Project!!! Every vote counts!
http://ideablob.com/ideas/1225-WaterBaby-CranioSacral-Therapy-

Thank you!!!!!!

Here's what Mothering Magazine, www.mothering.com, has to say about my project:

Healer's Project Needs Your Votes for Funding

When it comes to bringing aid and comfort to mothers and babies, Kara Maia Spencer, www.maiahealingarts.com, has credentials galore—she is a Licensed Massage Therapist, Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula, CranioSacral Therapist, Holistic Childbirth Educator & Consultant, Homebirth Midwifery Assistant, Reiki Master & Energy Healer, and is Certified in Bodywork for the Childbearing Year.

Dedicated to providing gentle, non-invasive, effective healing—as well as creating community among new parents—Kara intends to facilitate a free monthly CranioSacral Therapy clinic for pregnant women, mothers and babies, at a community therapeutic pool near her home in Eugene, Oregon. She has entered a funding contest with the hopes of winning $10,000 with which to rent the Tamarack Wellness Center's, www.tamarackwellness.com, warm, salt-water, solar powered therapeutic pool (the most eco-pool in Oregon) each month to host the free community clinic.

Please vote here to support Kara's goal—each vote counts, and registration is very quick and free.
http://ideablob.com/ideas/1225-WaterBaby-CranioSacral-Therapy-

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Adoption, . . .

Goofball Jess — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 05:53:42 GMT

Since I haven't managed to find any active tribe related to adoption, I thought I would start here. I'm hoping that some of the parents on this tribe are adoptive parents. I am excited to say that my hubby and I are ready to begin our journey into parenthood. We are at the very beginning of the process. We don't have a lawyer yet and so far, we are of the mind set that public adoption will probably be the route we go because we would like to adopt two siblings. If anybody has anything they would like to share about their experiences with the process I would love to hear it! Any tips or things they would do differently are always welcome. How long did the process take for you? Did you have any specifications? How did you find your lawyer? . . . . Any info would be wonderful!

Cheers!
Jessica

posted in Attachment Parenting - 5 replies

Please Lets all get together and help this lady.

Leslee — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 08:18:49 GMT

Lets all get together and help this lady. I do not know these people but I am outraged.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8209442342428842451&hl=en

Emma France is a 95 year old woman that a minor government official in Jasper County Missouri claims was kidnapped by her 67 year old daughter, Delores Forste.

Delores Forste is now in jail in California awaiting possible extradition to Missouri.

Emma is still in her home in California, where she lives, Delores and her husband also live in California.

This is the first of several videos that will be posted in conjunction with newspaper articles in the Joplin Globe (byline; Susan Redden), and several Independents, as well as several AP newspapers.

This story already has wide circulation and has been front page news in the Joplin Globe.

More videos will be posted as the story unfolds. I have recorded all theses videos myself, with the permission of the people in the videos, with the express intent of posting them on the Internet, I hold the exclusive the copyright to post these videos. I have not and will not be receiving any remuneration for doing this. I am making this and all the videos I post available for public benefit, and in the hope it will help the people involved get this problem straightened out

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Acting Out

b_flat — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 05:33:17 GMT

So, my sister (22) moved in with us this month. She's really good with my daughter who will be two in April, but Cadence seems to have a love hate relationship with her. She has been yelling at, biting, slapping, and pinching my sister. Sometimes she's fine and playing, and then all of a sudden she's a brute. It almost seems like she's treating Melinda like a new sibling. It's kind of funny sometimes, ie, when she's trying to gnaw her way through Melinda's pant leg unprovoked, but... Ug. I'm not sure how to approach this from an attachment view point. Obviously she's bothered about something, maybe jealous. I've just been telling her that I like it when she's NICE, and etc. Any suggestions? A friend of mine has recently begun using time out with her daughter who is a similar age. I'm not sure if she needs more love or more boundaries.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 14 replies

Vote for a free Water Baby CranioSacral Clinic!

kara — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 02:23:23 GMT

Vote for the WaterBaby CranioSacral Clinic Project!

CranioSacral Therapy is wonderful for preventing, easing, and healing breastfeeding challenges such as poor latch, sore neck/shoulders causing breast preference, reflux, colic, and more! Please help support the babies, mamas, and families this project would help!

Go to: http://ideablob.com/ideas/1225-WaterBaby-CranioSacral-Therapy-

Please help me win funding to create a free Water Baby CranioSacral Therapy Clinic for mamas and babies ages 0-3. This vote would support over 100 babies to receive free therapy in the first year of the project alone and provide for expert consultation and program development.

Thank you!!! Be well, Kara

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

baby sitting co-ops?

Sitris — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:43:55 GMT

Hey everyone!

I am toying with the idea of starting a baby-sitting co-op in my circle of friends. I just don't see how else I'm supposed to get enough time to myself, without breaking the bank, or putting my kid in day care.

Off the top of my head I can think of a few issues that would need to be addressed by the involved parties prior to making a go at it, but I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with any sort of organized group where moms/dads trade off parenting.

What do you do for families with more than one kid? How do you judge when to cancel your participation based on illness? How do you keep track of who has done how many hours? What other things come up that I'm not thinking of? Is it hard to keep participation regular enough to make it work?

Thanks in advance, for sharing.

Sitris

posted in Attachment Parenting - 8 replies

haa haa haa haa

amanda — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 03:57:36 GMT

sorting through the monstrous piles of laundry to get the load i was throwing in next and i remembered....
i used to own clothes that were HANDWASH ONLY. haa ha ha.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

When he just won't stop crying...

sarasyn — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:58:35 GMT

Okay, I feel really guilty. I put the baby down and I'm letting him scream. He's not sick. He's not hungry. He's very tired. He's refused to sleep since one this afternoon. Now that it's 8:30 in the evening, he wants to do nothing but scream, scream, scream. I tried nursing him to sleep, no good. He would either not focus on nursing and be half tearing my poor nipple off every two seconds because something caught his attention, or he was clawing my breast with such viciousness that I nearly tossed him because it hurt so bad. I have gouge marks because of him! I tried holding him, but the only place I could hold him was sitting in the middle of the floor because if he gets his hands on anything, he tries to hit it, throw it, tear it to shreds, or destroy it. It means I can't do anything but hold him, which is difficult because poor Corde needs me to make her dinner still, I haven't been able to do grocery shopping because I won't take him when he's this fussy. It's not fair to him or anyone around him. I've tried snuggling him with his pacifier. Even though he's 9 months now, I've tried modified swaddling him to see if that would help. There are times when he's upset that he twists himself in his blanket or my clothes so much that he may as well be swaddled and calms down and drops to sleep, not today. I've tried putting him in his wrap carrier, but the effect was more clawing me to bits. I know he's teething, but he's never acted like this as a result of teething before. He's not sick either. I'm getting frustrated because all I can do is sit perfectly still with him clawing me all over the place in order for him to be content. He'll just sit there and happily scratch me all over. I know he doesn't understand that being a destructive terror only makes people upset, and I know he only does this when he's tired and is fighting sleep, but I don't know what to do in order to help him sleep. Normally if all else fails, we can hop in the car and he usually gets enough of a nap in that I can cuddle or nurse him right back to sleep when I take him out until he's ready to wake up, but for the past two days, even that hasn't worked. I just don't know what's with this trend of refusing to sleep when he's telling me clearly he's tired! I don't know what to do to help him because even with his nails cut as short as I can get them, the repeated scratching on the same spots is really starting to do some damage. His games with nursing are making my nipples rather tender, which is making me hesitant to try nursing him even when I know he's hungry because I know I'm sore. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could just explain to him that he's clearly tired and just needs to go to sleep, and he would, but I know that can't happen. This is now the second day he's gotten significantly less sleep than he usually does, he's completely gone off his schedule (he used to want to nurse, sleep, play at regular times, almost like clock-work), which normally I'd be fine with. I'm not all for babies and schedules anyways, but clearly there's something going on here. I don't want to start leaving him to cry it out, but what options do I have of trying to get him to sleep without dropping my entire life until he figures out what's wrong and stops asking like this? I'm the only parent here and my poor daughter needs some time with Mommy too. The only time she gets Mommy to herself is when the baby's sleeping, and now not only is he not sleeping, but he won't leave me alone long enough that I can get anything done unless he's screaming his head off in the Pack 'N' Play. My house is very quickly becoming a disorganized disaster because I feel guilty just letting him scream when I don't know what's wrong...or more accurately, I know exactly what's wrong, but not how to fix it.

Anyone ever go through this kind of battle before? Anyone have any suggestions for getting him to get some sleep that are better than the "whiskey and a thimble" one I've gotten earlier? I know that if I can get him to sleep the destruct-o-baby problem will go away and he'll stop clawing me, getting distracted every five seconds while nursing, and I will have some time to get stuff done again. Those are all things that he does when he's really tired and usually not long after I figure out he's tired, I have no problems finding some kind of way to get him to sleep, even if I have to resort to a car ride, but I'm at wit's end. I don't know how to help him! Even my daughter's getting angry about the whole thing and keeps yelling at him to stop screaming and go to sleep because she wants me to make dinner, run her bath, and put her to bed.

I'm just glad this single parent thing is almost over. I've come to the conclusion that attachment parenting is significantly more difficult with two children when you're the only present parent and a stay at home mom. When my husband gets home, I need a day off!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 16 replies

doctors in Napa?

serendipitykatz — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 00:58:16 GMT

Hi. I'm looking for a good pediatrician in the Napa region. We have Kaiser but are ready to change health plans if it gets us a good doc. I'm hoping for someone who knows @ "alternative" approaches to parenting; i.e. breastfeeding, cosleeping, vegetarian mama, not getting every immunization but picking and choosing. Any ideas? Thanks.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Very messy house

jerushah — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 17:09:18 GMT

Alright, I have never been what you might call a neat freak. But I am reaching a point in life when the mess of my house feels suffocating. I have a not yet two year old, and am 6 months pregnant. Even though I stay at home, I feel as though I am always ten steps behind on housework. And I am starting to have a bit of the nesting instinct, but get down hearted when I look around and see how much there is to do. We are quite poor, and I need a home makeover that will cost next to nothing (and by that I mean nothing:-) I am starting to feel really shitty about my housekeeping, and need a big boot up my pregnant butt to get me moving. What works for you??

posted in Attachment Parenting - 27 replies

Family bed worries

lollicupgirl — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:03:14 GMT

I have been co-sleeping with my month old and have been loving the results. She wakes up once, maybe twice a night to nurse and falls back asleep. When we all wake up in the morning, she is so content and loves to spend her time with us. Here's the deal! I am SO SCARED that I am going to roll over onto her or she is going to suffocate (knock on wood) on rolling over onto some pillows or something will happen under the covers when she's sleeping. I can't see putting her into a crib in another room and we have a co-sleeper that fits in the middle of our bed, but I find she always ends up with us right in bed at the end of the night!

Can anyone shed some light on this?

Scared.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 11 replies

Another no-sleep issue

sarasyn — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 13:22:33 GMT

My baby boy is 8 months now. He usually spends the first half of the night in his playpen after falling asleep in my lap or the car. I let him stay there until he wakes up for his night nursing because I found moving him to the bed would wake him up and he'd want to play, not so good for a tired mommy. Unfortunately, the boy has allergies or something because he's ALWAYS congested and recently it's been worse than usual. Tonight in particular he's been so congested that he can't get back to sleep. He's been fussing and squirming. I've tried him on allergy medication prescribed by his doctor, but it doesn't help. I think he maybe has a cold at this point, so maybe cough and cold stuff would be better, but I don't keep any in the house unless it's going to be used. I know if he could just sleep propped up, he'd be okay, but he just won't sleep. Of course, the only thing I have to prop him up in is his exersaucer or on pillows. He won't stay on the pillows and he just keeps screaming in the exersaucer, which he used to just put his head down and sleep in whenever he was tired with no fuss. Normally I'd just hold him or let him lay in the bed with me until he finally got comfortable and settled down, but I know that can take hours when he feels like this.

Now, I know it's not his fault, but I can't handle this right now. Between my son and my daughter, I haven't gotten enough sleep in a week. It takes a good hour or more to get him to sleep every night. Then when I get him to sleep and put down, I try to spend a little time with my four-year-old daughter to get her into bed, but she keeps asking for just one more story, and then throws a temper tantrum when I cut her off after two or we'll be at it all night. That wakes up the baby and then I've got to spend a whole hour putting him to bed again. I have no help at bedtime, so it's not like I can deal with the baby while someone else takes care of my daughter. Daddy is in Iraq right now, so I'm stuck and alone. With the baby now waking me up after only four hours of sleep, I'm just too tired to deal with it. I can't just suck it up and go get him some cold medicine because that means waking up my daughter and dragging her 20 minutes away to the store, dragging them both through Walmart to find the stuff, then dragging them both home. Then I've got to convince both of them to go back to bed so I can get some sleep. I've tried taking a nap when the baby's taking his nap, but my daughter wakes me up because she wants some attention too. I can't imagine how this would all work if I was working! I'm burnt out now and I'm at home with them all the time!

I feel really guilty right now because I'm tempted to just let him scream until he figures it out. I need sleep to be a good parent. I have real world responsibilities. I've got to go do laundry so he has diapers because I don't have a washer and dryer at home. I've got to do grocery shopping. I have another child to take care of that's been getting no attention because I'm either I'm dealing with getting the baby down to sleep, nursing him, feeding him, changing his diapers, trying to cook, trying to clean, or doing any of the other million things that NEED to get done or I'll get too far behind again. On top of it all, I'm so tired that I'm not efficient at any of it. It's not fair to her because the only time she gets with me is when the baby is sleeping, and that's if I can put him down without him waking up. She gets really jealous if I try to have time with her while holding the sleeping baby. I'm only one person and I'm having a real problem trying to be mommy and daddy and still get enough time for me. I even got a comment yesterday that I "smell like a hippie" because I don't get to shower as often as the rest fo the world would like because I have to find a time when neither of the kids are demanding my attention to do so and I can't take the baby in the shower because he get scared and screams. It would be different if my husband was actually here to help me, but courtesy of the US Army, he's not going to be home for a while yet. I just don't know what else I can do. I NEED my sleep, but he's not figuring it out with me holding him. It seems like no matter what I do, he's going to scream. I'm starting to think there's nothing in the realm of something reasonable that I can do to make him feel better. There's no one I can call to take the kids for a couple of hours so I can get some sleep. Even if there were, I wouldn't feel right giving them a baby that screams like you're trying to kill him every time he's tired and just won't go to sleep for a whole hour at a time, no matter how much I try to cuddle him, rock him, soothe him, or whatever. I don't know what to do, but I need something to happen because I need to get some sleep soon or I'm going to be useless as a mother because I'll be too tired to function. Unfortunately, there's a reason children have two parents...

I'm sorry, this is a bit more of a rant. I'm just frustrated and exhausted. I really don't know what else to do other than wait until morning and get him something for the congestion after my daughter's awake, if I'm alert even alert enough to be driving a car. That won't help the bedtime battle with the two of them, but I can't deal with less sleep than I'm already getting. I just really don't know what I'm doing wrong that he won't sleep and what else to do to get my daughter to bed without a fight short of hiring a maid to take care of my house and a laundry service so that I have enough time to spend with both children. If I could get the baby to sleep without such a long fight, I'd have more time during the day to spend with her. I just don't know what else to do other than let him scream, bury my head under the pillow, and pray that he eventually falls asleep because I'm just so tired and nothing I do seems to be working...

posted in Attachment Parenting - 12 replies

twins or two very close in age?

Elizabeth — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 05:29:45 GMT

Okay, so I've written before. I have two sons. One is six-months-old (I gave birth to him) and one is two-months-old (my partner, a woman, gave birth to him). Yes, it's a lot of work, but that part isn't really what's hard for me. What's hard is that I feel the need to have an intense, one-on-one relationship with each of them for all their waking hours, but of course, since there are two of them, this isn't possible. It's looking like I'm going to be the SAHM, and my partner will soon be going back to work. I feel guilty when I'm holding one and not the other. I can't easily wear them both (though I'm thinking of trying a moby in front and an ergo in back). I sometimes nurse the younger one, but I worry that it upsets my older guy (though he seems fine, mostly). I imagine that people with twins deal with some of these issues, and also that having two babies has certain impacts on attachment parenting, and I'd love to hear from parents of twins or others close in age about this! Thank you.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 5 replies

How to Switch to Crib for Starting the Night

Elizabeth — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 03:36:58 GMT

My partner and I are co-sleeping with our two babies in a queen-sized bed, and mostly, it's actually pretty great. But now that our six-month-old can roll, I don't feel safe leaving him in bed without one of us being there. (And because our other little guy is only seven weeks, we certainly can't leave the two of them in bed without us.) We've put up mesh railings, which help to ensure sleeping safety, but right now, one of us at least is going to bed when the babies do. No adult time together, and not much separately, either. We actually bought a lovely little crib and set it up in our small bedroom, not far from the bed. My baby will play in there happily when I set him down to check it out (for a few minutes while I'm nearby), but even when he's asleep, he'll cry if I put him in it! I just want him there for the time (say 6:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.) when he's asleep and I'm not. Any ideas? Thanks. Elizabeth

posted in Attachment Parenting - 23 replies

Family Portraits & Holiday Cards

ktlee — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 04:17:55 GMT

hello!

my name is katie lee and i'm a los angeles based photographer.

if you or someone you know is interested in family portraits and/or holiday cards, please keep me in mind.

i absolutely Love photographing families and children. nothing brings me more joy than having the opportunity to capture these precious moments for families.

i have a portable studio that travels all around southern california and austin, texas.

photo sessions begin at just $200.

please visit my website or contact me directly for more information:

www.reflectingtruth.com/holidays

thanks much & seasons greetings!

katie lee

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Yippee, my site is finally up and ready for business!! :)

Tammy — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 18:44:16 GMT

Hi Ladies... I wanted to share some exciting news with you!! (please see below). I hope you do not mind the "spam" post!! I have worked really hard to create this website... and after a year of work, it is finally ready. I am trying to *SPREAD* the word to as many people as possible. If, you do not mind... can you please copy and paste email below... and send it to people that might be interested in Organic items for the home? I would greatly appreciate it as I could use the help! Also, if you see any grammatical errors or problems, please let me know as I would like to fix them :)
Thank you in advance!
Blessings, Tammy xo
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Family and Friends,

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posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Birth Arts Doula Workshop in Eugene

kara — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 21:37:29 GMT

BIRTH ARTS INTERNATIONAL DOULA WORKSHOP

http://www.maiahealingarts.com/birth-arts-eugene-oregon/

November 30th, December 1st & 2nd, 2007
at Sacred Waters Birthing Center, Eugene, OR

Join us for a weekend educational immersion into the science and spirit of labor support. Learn how to provide support for women and babies through pregnancy, labor, birth, and immediate postpartum.

The training includes an three days of class, extensive workbook, and on-going mentoring through didactic work to complete the program and receive certification as a Certified Birth Arts Doula.

Birth Arts offers a complete birth doula training integrating evidence-based maternity care research with traditional women’s wisdom and intuition. The workshop includes hands-on experiential practice in bodywork, rebozo, labor support techniques, and non-pharmacological methods of pain relief. We will go into detail about the practice of supporting women at birth at home, birth center, and hospital environments.

Kara Maia Spencer, LMT, CD, CBE
Patricia Couch, Midwife, CD, CBE

Tuition: $350

Schedule:

Friday evening - 6-10pm
Saturday - 9am - 6pm
Sunday - 9am - 6pm

Location:
Sacred Waters Community Birthing Center
Eugene, OR

For registration or inquiries contact:

Kara at 541-520-0681 or email kara@birtharts.com

http://www.maiahealingarts.com/birth-arts-eugene-oregon/
www.birtharts.com

posted in Attachment Parenting - 1 reply

naps (x-post)

Aisha — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 21:07:39 GMT

I know a lot of you guys said your babies napped with/on you for a long time, but I;m wondering how to make the transition to her sleeping on her own. Phoebe can only nap either on or with me; although I love it, I need some time for myself (plus my house is now beyond messy) Is there a trick? Or should I just continue on the sleep by any means neccecary approach and hooe she'll stop on her own?
Thanks!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

To Vaccinate or not to Vaccinate?

Saratonin — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 22:50:06 GMT

I feel this is a very important topic. I for one have chosen not to Vaccinate my children, and for good reason, but before I get into why I want to ask peeps on here where you stand and why?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 63 replies

Not Sleeping

b_flat — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 16:27:13 GMT

So in the last month my 18 mo old has begun to take 2-3 hours to go to bed at night, and I'm beginning to really feel resentful since it's the only time I really have with her dad. Is anyone else going through this? I gave her dinner last night, took her on a long walk, gave her a bath, and then gave her milk while rocking her. Two hours later... After three hours the other day I let her cry (never for more than 10 minutes at a time) and she went to sleep very quickly and slept ALL night. We sleep with her, also, by the way. Anyway. I finally let her cry for a few minutes last night and she got so upset she pooped, and then it took another hour and a half to get her to bed, and she woke up constantly. She woke up at 1 and was restless until 4:30. Not crying, just popping her head up every five minutes so no one was sleeping. I can't keep doing this, and i don't know how to compromise with her. This is making me crazy, and peevy. Any ideas?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

Your Child Is Worth Money to the State

jolieca1978 — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 02:30:34 GMT

I'm reposting an article I found on the net here, as an alert.

----

Your Child is Worth Money to the State
July 31, 2001
by Wendy McElroy, mac@ifeminists.com

For Heidi and Neil Howard, giving birth to a terminally ill baby seemed punishment enough. But that was before the Massachusetts Department of Social Services stepped into their lives.

The department came knocking at the door to their home in the form of a "home visitor" sent by the hospital when the Howards' first baby girl was born with terminal health problems.

According to the Massachusetts News, the "home visitor" was a social worker who found the home in disorder. The kitchen was in the process of being remodeled. Over Heidi's objections and without identifying the true purpose of the call, the "home visitor" opened closets and quizzed her about her marriage. Then, she filed a report about the messy home and "stress" in the family – stress undoubtedly caused by having a dying child.

Their situation was complicated by a restraining order that Heidi says she was blackmailed into filing: the DSS allegedly threatened to remove their two boys, 10-year-old Christopher and five-year-old Ethan, if Heidi did not register a complaint against her husband even though she insisted no abuse had occurred. With a restraining order on file, the DSS seized the boys in November 1999.

In February 2001, another daughter, Jessica, was seized from her nursing mother on the grounds that the other children were already in DSS custody. No court hearing has been held on the two boys. Chester Darling, an attorney for the Howards, has called the DSS "an agency ... that can kidnap children almost with impunity."

The Howards' case is not unique. Cases like theirs are occurring more frequently because state agencies now have a financial incentive to separate children from their parents and put them up for adoption.

The Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997 is explicit about the rewards. Under a section called "Adoption Incentive Payment," the act says a state can receive as much as $4,000 for adopting-out a child. There is even a provision offering technical assistance "through grants or contracts ... to assist States and local communities to reach their targets for increased numbers of adoptions and, to the extent that adoption is not possible, alternative permanent placements, for children in foster care."

The money from incentives, grants, and contracts goes directly into the coffers of child protection agencies when they adopt-out children.

Who benefits? "Social workers, diagnosticians, attorneys, foster homes and group homes, to name a few," says Susan Jackson of CPS Watch, a watchdog organization that monitors Child Protective Services. "These folks are fed by a child abuse industry to the tune of well over $12 billion."

Collectively, they form the Child Abuse Industry.

CPS Watch has been carefully monitoring child abuse investigations since 1998, the year after passage of the Adoption and Safe Families Act. Alaska, it found, reported 15,703 child maltreatment referrals from a child population of 192,261 – or one report for every twelve children – that year.

In 1998, according to a federal Department of Health and Human Services report, Kansas removed 1,872 children from their homes. But only 1,104 of the investigations substantiated the charges of abuse. The report states that 272 children were removed from families for reasons "unknown" in Ohio the same year.

In a recent issue of Social Work: Journal of the National Association of Social Workers, Leslie Doty Hollingsworth cautioned her colleagues about the ethical line they may be crossing.

"Because there are strong financial incentives to increase adoptions, practitioners may be compromised ethically if required to work for reunification and adoptive placement simultaneously," writes Hollingsworth, who teaches at the University of Michigan School of Social Work.

Some organizations believe that the threat to families is severe enough to warrant active non-cooperation with government agencies. For example, the Home School Legal Defense Association – which believes home schoolers are being particularly targeted – tells members of their community to contact them immediately for legal assistance if approached by a social worker.

But the warning came too late for the Howards.

The DSS wanted to put baby Jessica up for adoption, but on July 16th, Judge Robert Belmonte of the Framingham Juvenile Court ordered the baby returned to her parents. At last report, the DSS maintains that the two boys should be adopted out but seems willing to let an aunt and uncle become the adoptive parents.

That way, at least, the DSS would still receive its "adoption incentive payment."

http://www.ifeminists.com/introduction/editorials/2001/0731.html

posted in Attachment Parenting - 9 replies

anti-hitting laws NZ

mamatoto — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 01:54:28 GMT

you'll know a law has been passed recently in NZ making it illegal to hit your child?? what a wonderful law!!!! wish they had one here too!!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 9 replies

New Tribe: Child's Play

Kit Kat — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 01:46:32 GMT

Hi Everyone, I've created a new tribe called Child's Play. Share and find new ideas about how we can help our children to learn and develope through play and have fun doing it!

http://tribes.tribe.net/childsplay

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Birth Arts Doula Workshop at Harbin Hot Springs

kara — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 02:50:40 GMT

BIRTH ARTS INTERNATIONAL
DOULA WORKSHOP

at Harbin Hot Springs in Middletown, CA
October 19th-21st, 2007

To Register and for more info: www.maiahealingarts.com/harbin...oct-07/

Join us for a weekend educational immersion into the science and spirit of labor support. Learn how to provide support for women and babies through pregnancy, labor, birth, and immediate postpartum.

The training includes an three days of class, extensive workbook, and on-going mentoring through didactic work to complete the program and receive certification as a Certified Birth Arts Doula.

Birth Arts offers a complete birth doula training integrating evidence-based maternity care research with traditional women’s wisdom and intuition. The workshop includes hands-on experiential practice in bodywork, rebozo, labor support techniques, and non-pharmacological methods of pain relief. We will go into detail about the practice of supporting women at birth at home, birth center, and hospital environments.

with Kara Spencer, LMT, CD
Harbin Hot Springs, Middletown, CA
October 19-21, 2007

Kara Spencer - Maia Healing Arts: www.maiahealingarts.com
Birth Arts International ~ www.birtharts.com
Harbin Hot Springs Retreat Center - www.harbin.org

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Biting

b_flat — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 02:57:20 GMT

My 16 month old was never really socialized like she "should" have been. I'm realizing that now that I have more friends with toddlers her age. She's a little brute. I figure that this is just normal, but it's bothering me, too. She's taken to biting other kids, or slapping them. SHe won't let them have any toys, either. I know she is just asserting her boundaries, but my friend's kids aren't doing this and I'm wondering how to react. I'm not making a big deal out of it. I just correct her by saying we don't bite our friends and that I like it when they play nice together. She's also throwing tantrums now in a major way. I just wanted opinions from other attachment parents. SOme tantrums I walk away from and let her throw. Others I can't when I'm putting her in the car, or something along those lines. ANy thoughts on how to cut down on these behaviors and help her to feel more secure?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 9 replies

ear protection

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 05:12:22 GMT

could someone please post the link to where I can get the ear muff things to protect my kids ears while we are at concerts.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

munchausen by proxy syndrome - xpost

IdraIyah — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 04:00:38 GMT

i just caught this episode of dr. phil today & i almost threw up watching the footage of "munchausen moms" physically harming their babies to keep them sick so they (the moms) get the attention they crave.

if you choose to watch the section with footage, i warn you, it's heartbreaking. moms smothering their babies, gagging them, poisoning them. i wanted to bring this topic up not to be a downer, but to spread awareness so that we all know what to look for in others & maybe ourselves.

drphil.com/shows/show/946/

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

Mommy Blues

Erissa — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 14:07:26 GMT

I was so releived to not suffer much from postpardum depression. I felt strong and empowered that I hadn't tripped down that road. Now my son is four and I am feeling myself slip. I am tired and distressed. I am having toruble finding a school for him or a daycare and I worry that I am doing right by him. I have explores home school but I am not the right person to do that for him, he needs someone who knows what they are doing. I am blue. I am havign these terrible thoughts about wishing I wasn't his mommy. I am havign these crushing thoughts that I am not cut out for this. There are points in the day where I just want him to go away and leave me alone. I am horrified that I don't want him near me all the time. I need me time and space to think and a period of time to feel like an individual again. I headed into attachment parenting with confidence and eagerness. I felt that I was going to offer him a whole world of love and beign cherished and feelign included but here I am feeling left out, lost and lonely. I have tried homeopathic and communal remedies involving talking and herbs and so forth but it all feels so fake to me. I want a vacation from momminess, evena vacation from wifliness. I need to feel like a person again without all these roles to fullfill. The trouble is that if I get that, I will ike it too much and never want to come back to this. Mommy feel blue.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 8 replies

When Co-Sleeping Has To Stop

sarasyn — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 05:28:30 GMT

Well, my daughter was out of my bed and in her own, mostly through her own will and with a little help from me kicking her out of the bed when I was pregnant because she kept kicking my belly in her sleep. Well, recently she has started climbing into bed with us in the middle of the night. It wasn't a problem. I usually slept as a barrier between the two so princess-flails-a-lot doesn't hurt the baby. Well, I'm done. I can't do it anymore. She hit me in the face and now my eye is all puffy and swollen. It's not black like you'd expect a black eye to be, but all the rest is the same, and it really hurts. All I can think is what will happen if she hits the baby?

So I need her out of my bed, but how do I explain to her that I need her out of the bed before she hurts someone again without making her feel bad or like I'm somehow punishing her? I somehow feel like a failure as a parent because she can't sleep in my bed. I just don't want her to feel it's because she's a bad kid. She flails in her sleep. That's not a bad thing. I want her to be okay to be herself, but I also don't want to wake up again to being hit in the eye. Would it be cruel to set up a baby gate so that she has to wake me up to get in the room? Then I could put her back in bed and put her blanket over her give her a cuddle, and put her back to sleep? What do I do?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 22 replies

Natural remedies

rosey-elf — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 16:16:16 GMT

Does anyone have any natural remedies they have tried that work for chest congestion in infants. Hadleigh is 7 1/2 months and we had a cold and now has moved to her chest it is keeping her up at night. She still has alot of bugers and a sore runny nose. Any suggestions to help her get the gunk out!

posted in Attachment Parenting - 7 replies

Socializing

Erissa — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 13:59:26 GMT

I am not a homeschooler but I want the best education for my son so I may end up with some adaptation of homeschooling... I tried my son in Pre-K and was appauled that the teacher immediately p[egged him as a problem and did everything she could to ensure that everyone in the class thought he was problem too. She suggested loudly one day in front of other parents that my son might be autistic. Well he isn't and it is not her busines to issue such diagnosies. But since other parents heard what she said, they all started with the whispering and the ignorance and the false sympathy... The teacher kept giving my son demerits for wiggling and minor behavior problems like wondering away from the lesson or not sitting still, but she never seemed to praise him for good behavior like listening during story time or helping with craft time. So becuase there was no positive reinforcment my son got stressed about gogin to school. So stressed in fact that he started breaking out in hives. After three weeks of my trying to find solutins and getting no help from the school (for their part it seemed thta my son had to change, to conform and they had no way to adapting anything to his needs). I withdrew him from school. He now back with his day time keeper (an elderly retired man that is as good as a third grandfather to my son). I worry though that I am not providing enough socialization to my son. I work full time, as does my husband. We don't get home until 6pm and then with dinner and a little down time and bed time shortly after... I don't see an oppertunity for him to learn playing and learning from other children his age. My son gets along fine with older childrena nd with adults but in a room of children in the four and five year set he is ostrisized and often tormented by the other kids because he is just different from them. I am afraid I have no other insight on four year olds but I do remember how emotionally damaging it was to be tormented in High School as I was, so feeling that in pre-school has got to be worse. I just don't have any idea what to do for him. I don't even know where to look for programs or activities. I also don't have a great deal of spare money to pay for day care or play groups. Does anyone have any ideas what I can do? I feel like I am failing my son.

posted in Attachment Parenting - 13 replies

New Tribe! Parenting Awake Children

Arapahoe — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 20:47:51 GMT

Hello dears,

For those of you interested in discussion around parenting crystal children/rainbow children/star children, please check out the new tribe, Parenting Awake Children. See tribes.tribe.net/parentingawakechildren

I invite you all to join if interested. Would love to have each of you be a part of it.

Bright circular love from me, to you, to we~
Jeannine

posted in Attachment Parenting - 0 replies

he bites so hard

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 05:54:05 GMT

my son has been biting my arms when I pick him up, so I am trying to think of something really yucky to rub on my arms because he is bruising me. I don't want anything harmful to him, what can you guys think of, all I can think of is maybe some hot peppars but I don't want him to get that in his eyes. Other than that my mind is at a total blank. PLEASE HELP

posted in Attachment Parenting - 4 replies

Really good article on cosleeping!

rosey-elf — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 02:07:38 GMT

Hey I have referred back to this article on cosleeping a bunch it's really good. Hope you all like it! http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/bed-roses.html

posted in Attachment Parenting - 2 replies

why??

IdraIyah — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 03:20:29 GMT

i'll relay a scenario that just happened moments ago, but is all too common in my home. please tell me if this is an AP thing or a parenting thing in general.

so, i'm trying to eat dinner. i'm alone with my 10-month-old, as usual. he only seems to be happy when he's in my lap, so when i'm out of reach for even a moment, he flips out. i'm sitting at the kitchen table & he's screaming on the other side of the safety gate at me. i cannot remove the gate because the kitchen is not safe for him at this stage in his development. i let him scream, while explaining to him that i need to eat in order to make milk for him! he will just have to be patient. i finish my food, pick him up & sit down with him in the living room. he is soon crawling away, playing with something else, ignoring me. where only minutes ago he was desperate for me, now he could care less that i'm sitting right there.

maybe he's just being a regular human. because, don't we all do this?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 13 replies

Attachment parenting and daycare

Foxybrown — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 05:16:33 GMT

So I have been thinking about daycare and how some of us have no choice but to use it. Right now I am teaching Pre-School and I have to have my son at day care a few blocks from the school I work at. I have been contemplating whether or not I want to begin a licensed in home daycare business that caters to parents like us. I have the educational background and experience but more importantly I believe in AP and know what it is like to be an AP parent who needs to use daycare.
I think I can create a warm and enriched environment and I know what matters to me as a parent but I would like to hear what some of you think. What would you like to have in a daycare situation?

posted in Attachment Parenting - 9 replies

Harvard study discourages letting babies "cry it out"

fixit — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 02:53:06 GMT

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

Not exactly news to us, but a good reference for bystanders (and parents-to-be) who need things spelled out for them.
Don't be afraid to Baby Your Baby! :)

favorite quotes:
"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to future trauma."

"I think there's a real resistance in this culture to caring for children. Punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get warm, caring, independent people."

- both from Dr. Michael Commons, Department of Psychiatry, Harvard

posted in Attachment Parenting - 40 replies